This morning I wasn’t mindful. My five year old was asserting her independence, and my baby was struggling with the morning routine. I was also dealing with emotions about a sick family member, and frustration over a volunteer project I’m working on. In short, my patience was thin, and I was in a generally negative mood.
I snapped at my daughter. I rushed around the house trying to get us out the door, telling myself if I was early enough to walk (as opposed to driving) I would be able to be more mindful then.
How crazy is that? I was making excuses for my anger, telling myself I’d be more mindful later in exchange. In fact, I couldn’t appreciate my walk anyway, because I was holding onto such negative emotions.
So, I’m making an effort to care for my negative feelings now. I don’t have time to sit and meditate when I’m chasing a little crawler around the house, but I will take a moment at my window altar to breathe, and notice the tension in my body.
Looking back at my morning, it didn’t feel good to be angry. And I’m still suffering the effects now!
It’s very true that the first victim of our anger is ourselves.
After that, the next people who suffer are our precious loved ones.
It’s not worth it.